One Headphone

Today on the bus, headphone in one ear so I could listen for my stop, I was listening to the Roxane Gay: Confessions of a Bad Feminist TedTalk. With my free ear I could hear another passenger playing Chris Brown out loud on his phone. Another man got on the bus, heard it, and asked the other passenger, “Is that Chris Brown? He’s a pimp… I give him props. Slapped a bitch and he still gets bitches”. This statement met the approval of a few men on the bus and I sat, trying not to call attention to myself, as they continued to unapologetically degrade women. The irony of this, in relation to what was playing in my headphone, was not lost on me.

In her TedTalk, Roxane Gay (2015) talks about the ways in which she may be considered a “bad feminist” and I began to consider the ways in which I am a “bad feminist”. I thought about the fact that I sat there, trying to be invisible, rather than interjecting, but I’m not ashamed to admit I was scared. I have been trained my whole life to keep my guard up in public places and avoid intimidating men. The idea of confronting men that find abusing women commendable and aspirational is honestly terrifying to me. I have been socialized to be afraid, yet at the same time, if I want to call myself a feminist, society says I must be brave in the face of sexism. Roxane Gay (2015) poignantly addresses this societal paradox that shrouds feminism in her point about women who choose to stay at home and raise children; she states, “The problem is not that she makes herself economically vulnerable in that choice; the problem is that our society is set up to make women economically vulnerable when they choose” (Gay, 2015).

The paradoxes do not end here. As I reflected upon my experience on the bus, I thought about Chris Brown. I found myself wondering, as I do every time I hear him on the radio or see him in the media, “How the f*** is he still relevant? How can he go to jail for domestic violence and remain a successful public figure?”. Recently, he was featured in a popular music video by Lil Dicky called “Freaky Friday”, in which Lil Dicky and Chris Brown switch bodies. A main theme of the video is how awesome it would be to be Chris Brown. Throughout the video he is idolized; his life is portrayed as aspirational and he is put on a pedestal. In the wake of the Times Up movement, he continues to be celebrated, people want to be like him, people on buses admire his ability to “get bitches” after he “slapped” one, and snapchat runs an, “advert [that] was reviewed and approved in error,” making light of the assault by asking, “Would you rather slap Rihanna or punch Chris Brown?” (Feldman, 2018). Meanwhile, cultural critics spend, seemingly, more time “grading [Beyonce’s] feminism”, after she boldly claimed the term in a performance (Gay, 2015), than criticizing the celebrities that continue to support and propel Chris Brown’s career. I scrolled through pages of google before I found even one article that critiqued Lil Dicky’s “Freaky Friday,” or any of the stars that participated. And therein lies the paradox, women are encouraged to stand up for themselves, take action against their abusers, but even the most influential women are still targets while their abusers, too often, receive a “pass” from society.

And so, I think of myself on the bus, trying to focus on Roxane Gay and not being able to un-hear praises of Chris Brown and domestic violence, and I am struck by the challenges we still face. I feel encouraged and challenged by Roxane Gay’s call for awareness and conscious choices in what we listen to, the institutions we support, and the spaces in which we participate.

References

Feldman, K. (2018, March 15). Snapchat pulls domestic violence ad with Rihanna, Chris

Brown. Retrieved April 05, 2018, from http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/snapchat-pulls-domestic-violence-ad-rihann-chris-brown-article-1.3875250

Gay, R. (2015). Roxane Gay: Confessions of a bad feminist [Video file]. Retrieved from

https://www.ted.com/talks/roxane_gay_confessions_of_a_bad_feminist/up-next

Lil Dicky. (2018). Freaky Friday. Retrieved from

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZla1ttZHaw