“Good! I Just Don’t Feel Needed Enough”

For most of the first semester of my internship, when people asked me how it was going, my response was, “Good! I’m just still struggling with not really feeling engrained in the culture of the school”. I came from a job where, over the course of 4 years I had developed trusting relationships, felt like students and faculty turned to me, and was tuned in to the the goings on of the school and the students. One thing I learned quickly through the process of this program, in particular my internship, was that this was important to me. What I have learned as I reflect on these feelings and priorities, is that this is a double-edged sword. I might as well have been telling my friends and family, “Good! I just don’t feel needed enough”. Now, this says something about my own interpersonal pathology, but I would venture to say, this sense of wanting to be leaned on is not uncommon across helping professionals. As I mentioned, this is a double-edged sword, as I believe most qualities are. For me, this observation is a representation of my desire to help others and contribute in a positive way to society. On the other hand, it is a representation of my own needs, when the focus should be on those of the students or clients.

In the past, I have recalled to others, the one period of time where I doubted whether I wanted to pursue Counseling, rather, I doubted whether I could do it. It was my first year as a College and Career Advisor and I was overwhelmed, by the system, by the challenges my students faced, by the seemingly never-ending to-do list that came with the job. I wanted to “fix” it, and I needed to come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t. Perhaps, more importantly, I needed to come to terms with the fact that it was arrogant to even believe I could. There is a privilege in this arrogance, in the sense of security and capability that comes with believing you can “save” someone, or “fix” something. None of these realizations made me want to try less, but they did make me grow up and they were part of a long and ongoing journey of recognizing my privilege and how I contribute to the oppression of others.

This introspection brought to mind the term White-Savior Industrial Complex. In “The White-Savior Industrial Complex,” Teju Cole (2012) writes, “How, for example, could a well-meaning American ‘help’ a place like Uganda today? It begins, I believe, with some humility with regards to the people in those places. It begins with some respect for the agency of the people of Uganda in their own lives”. Appio, Chambers, and Mao (2013) stress a similar point in, “Listening to the Voices of the Poor and Disrupting the Silence About Class Issues in Psychotherapy,” asserting that people in poverty have ideas as to how we can work with them and that dialogue is key to addressing class issues (p. 152). The common denominator here is listening and at the core of these statements are core elements of counseling -- autonomy and empowerment. As Cole (2012) states, “there is much more to doing good work than ‘making a difference.’ There is the principle of first do no harm. There is the idea that those who are being helped ought to be consulted over the matters that concern them”.

Ultimately, this has led me to reflect on my own manifestations of White-Savior Industrial Complex and how my desire to be needed may be hindering me as a counselor. The nature of trying to fix, or save, or even wanting others to lean on you, does not allow for the autonomy necessary for growth. Beyond this, it implies privilege, as well as the idea that someone needs “saving.” I have always found strength in my propensity for listening and this has allowed me to grow as a counselor. The inclination to “fix” that I entered this work with is something I have moved on from, but I see there is still progress to be made as I navigate my role and personal approach as a counselor.

References

Appio, L., Chambers, D., & Mao, S. (2012). Listening to the Voices of the Poor and Disrupting

the Silence About Class Issues in Psychotherapy. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(2),

152-161. doi:10.1002/jclp.21954

Cole, T. (2012, March 21). The White-Savior Industrial Complex. Retrieved March 07, 2018,

From https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/03/the-white-savior- industrial-complex/254843/